EXT. Close up of a road side. All we see are blades of grass, dust and gravel. In the background we can hear a skylark and the noise of wind in the trees. Above the grass we can see a brightblue sky. Its a sunny summer day. The camera begins to move. Drifting through the grass. We now see pieces of rubbish and bits of tyre in the grass. We come to tarmac, at the same time we hear a radio, quietly at first, but then louder. Someone searching through the stations. A blast of music, some football and then....

Announcer

.....volume of holiday traffic has meant the

roads into Cornwall are jammed for almost ten miles from.....

EXT. The camera continues to drift across the road surface. We now see a close up of a car tyre, and then the under belly of a car. The noise of the engine drowns out the radio. Steaming water drips from the shaking car, and there is a pool of oil underneath it. It is a car at breaking point. Behind this car we see others, jammed behind it. The noise of the engine is discordent, the sound of metal on metal. The camera drifts past the other tyre, and we see a nail wedged deep in the rubber and a slight hiss as we pass by it. As the engine noise disappears slightly the radio comes back.

Announcer

......the largest event of its kind, with over.....

EXT. The camera drifts between the cars, jammed on a dual carraigeway. Again we pass under another car, its engine rattling and creaking. We hear, faintly, the voices from inside it.

Parent

Stop it! For gods sake just be quiet!

Child

But look where he's put his finger!

EXT. We now pass onto the central reservation, underneath the crash barrier. We see a corner stretching away from us, one side of the road glistening with heat shimmer, the other full of stationary cars. The camera slows, and stops, resting beside a crushed tenants lager can on the tarmac edge. The radio fades but we become aware of another noise. A high pitched, tuned whistle which has a deeper note buried within it. It becomes increasingly louder, higher in pitch and then, from the left of the screen, there is a bur of yellow and blue as a motorbike screams down the empty road. We see only a glimpse of a fat back tyre before the bike disappears, accompanied by the doppler affect of the sound. The crushed can trembles in the wind it makes. We hear another engine noise, different but just as loud, a lower growling noise as another bike punchs past the can. Again, all we see is a momentary glimpse of bike before it too is gone. The can trembles again. There is a brief pause and we hear the radio faintly.

Announcer

....and the AA saying to only make your journey if

its strictly neccessary.....

EXT. The noise suddenly rises as a bike bellows past the can, travelling much faster than the first two. We have an impression of shape and dark colours before it is gone, with a machined howl from its exhaust. The noise is intense, our ears are ringing. The can is flicked across the verge and out of sight.

Music: Beck, Loser.

EXT. The camera is now swooping down a valley, alongwhich a dual carraige way. Three bikes race down it, alone, while in the other lane hundreds of cars - full of holiday makers - sit.

and so forth, and so on.

Poland was fun, lots of strange dumplings to eat, candles for the pope and cool art galleries. UK this weekend to see the folks, and then ireland on tuesday. Ironic that I get to visit the emerald isle after leaving blighty.

Unconditional moan #1: Canceling Enterprise. And how many seasons more of Voyager did we get, hmmm. Clearly there is no justice.

Unconditional moan #2: War of the Worlds remake with Cruise and SS (thats Steven Spielberg not Steven Seaga, though that could be cool...)....I wait with something close to terror at what they will do to my number one all time favourite science fiction story.

Unconditional moan #3: What the hell is marvin supposed to look like in the new HGTTG?

And a big huzzah, the comic book version of Shaun of the Dead is coming soon!

And Dubya, you fucking wanker, drilling for oil in alaska. At the same time as the Millenium Ecosytem assessment pretty much says we're fucked.