Peurile and poor toilet humour.

There's many dangers associated with living in the urban environment, stray bullets, sexually charged cats and uneven paving stones to name but a few but one of the worst, or at least most faux pauey, in my mind, is the sometimes horrifying glimpses into other peoples lives. I don't mean tawdry viewing of domestic quarrels but rather the phenomena known as the 'Unplanned Toilet Peep...and stare' (this is quite different from the 'Planned Toilet Peep', which involves planning (clearly), dark clothes, a moonless night and some top end infrared goggles). I was reintroduced to the unplanned toilet peep and stare a few weeks ago, when leaving the house early in the wee hours. It was in my student years that I first discovered this facet of urban living. I stood outside my kitchen window, breathing in the fresh summer air when my gaze dropped down and right, into next doors yard, through their bathroom window and saw our neighbour, crouching the mahogony - as it were. So far so good, but what made this a proper UTP&S was that, at the exact same second I looked, and even as I was beginning to look away my neighbour lifted her gaze from her knees and our eyes met. Contact. And thus, whenever I saw her again - on the university campus, in the pub or in the shops (buying toilet paper) our eyes would meet and we would both be transported back to that unbroken gaze between toilet toiler and window peeper. Awkward, to say the least.
Fast forward back to the present and theres me leaving my flat early in the morning, glancing over at the neighbours flat (across our hall, through the window, across the street - its not like my face was pressed up against their window) and I happen to gaze into their well lit and uncurtained bathroom. And yes, theres the Danish husband straining away on the mug (as they say in Sweden), his ruddy face glowing, eyes bulging and, matinee performance, theres his wife - entering from the left - stark bloody naked, still steaming and pink from the shower - and yes, as I think about looking away, they both look up and our eyes meet. And now I see one, or both of them, in the street, car park or shop, all the bloody time. Thankfully, when they see me they tend to hurry away. Now, wheres my nightvision goggles?