BBC NEWS | Europe | Severe storms hit southern Sweden...the photograph accompanying this article is of the seafront a few seconds walk from where we live, rather stupidly - though the storm was dying down - I took E out to see the sea. Fortunately his screams of terror, as a result of the howling wind and thunder of buildings being torn to bits, did not attract the police and I was able to get him home safely.

The spam I get in my hotmail account has increasingly strange titles, which actually warms me towards the people sending them. I've had the usual banal stuff of 'our date tonight' but also the rather cheerful 'meet greet with small meat' and the surreal 'unwillingly frantic jacobite'.

Knackered. My throat hurts. Which is probably the onset of glass workers lung, or something. On a brighter note, the interview went really well but in my innocence I did not expect there to be a second one - so we'll see if I get invited to that, but I have to wait a week or so...

Pleased with: Bold step of removing clips from bike and suddenly being able to bunny hop and sidehop better than before. Bike now almost completely trashed.

Jobs I have done....paper boy. Grocer. Pizza chef. Production line monkey. Night club security. Government Researcher. Company Director. Communications Officer. Production line monkey. i.e. if there's any symmetry to my career I should dig out my apron. Shifted fucking tonnes of glass today, my hands ache.

Reading: Ghost World.

Mulligan and O'Hare - Google Video...hmmm, with a slightly rippled underside.

oofff. 0400 start this morning, as the shift moved to the morning slot...only slightly nasty, and not nearly as nasty as the nightshift. I actually felt almost excited as I drove to work, but this is probably more to do with relief at not being unemployed any more rather than any sense of fulfillment in shifting truck loads of glass around. Incidently, in Swedish glass - as in the clear substance one drinks from or looks through is spelt 'glas'. The soft cold food product that we call ice cream is spelt 'glass'. The two words are pronounced differently, as you might expect, but its quite subtle (long vowel sound in 'glas', if you must know). Thus, with my mangled swedish I have said to more than a few people than I work in an ice cream factory. Which specialises in ice cream for volvo and saab. As they are usually polite swedes they just nod and then slowly back away.

Reading: Everest Boys....still excellent.
Excited about: Job interview next week.

Despite the best efforts of a infection in the arachnoid membrane I'm up and moving and curently spending the last few minutes of 2006 not, as you might of guessed cavorting in a wild party but instead being the officer on watch over my otherwise sleeping family. K's brother and his tribe bailed early when their 10 year old boy, after unwisely gorging on a heroic dose of sweets and crank was violently sick so they decided to go back to their hotel. K wisely took this as a sign that her gifts to the gods of sleep had been accepted and went straight to bed. I will see out the last few minutes of this year and then retire myself. Couple of thoughts before I do so. Life in Sweden goes in, and in Feb it will be my three year anniversery of moving here. I miss my friends terribly, and if I can make any sort of new year resolution it will be to be better at being in contact. I suspect that I make this resolution every year but it least its a sign of something, I guess. I could also make a new year resolution to stop repeating myself, which would be more efficient, however.

Waiting: For the apocalpytic detonation of fireworks which will occur in a few minutes.
Lying About: 10 year old boys taking crank in my house.

So long 2006.

Scientology and the Clearwater Police - Google Video...have not watched this yet, but sounds interesring...

merrty xmas

Suppression of Non Stationary Cadavers:Zombie Squad I remember that fantastic line in Dawn of the Dead (remake)...."Is everyone dead? "yeah, in the sense that they, fell down... got up... and started eating each other."

Just a few seconds here, as I'm off to collect the boy from daycare. But quick update, changed to the day shift at work, got a new job interview, bike is trashed (bent front forks, fucked big chain ring, pedal smashed, cranks probably loose) but still ridable (christmas presents to self will fix this damage), signed off from the job centre.

Reading: Hellblazer.
Playing: Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, Black.
Listening: Aphex Twin, Soilwork, Sacre.

I got this from Randi's newsletter, its hilarious. Patron Saints Index Topic List Its basically a list of all the saints and the various subjects they give their patronage to. Thus, in short order and brimming with school boy humour and irrelevancy:

Saint Bonaventure of Bagnoregio: Patron saint of Bowel Disorders.
Saint Barbara: Patron Saint against death by artillery.
Saint Drausinus: Patron Saint of invincible people (presumably the Patron saint of Superheroes).
Saint Gertrude of Nivelles: Patron Saint of the fear of mice.

Really this is just tipping a toe in the water, theres something for everything and everyone here (except monkeys and teeth I notice). However, throats are okay with no less than 7 saints looking out for them. I notice that the author of the website says 'that most people were given a personal patron at Baptism, or chose one at Confirmation. In addition, everyone has a guardian angel. These holy folks stand in God's presence, and will add their prayers to your on this or any other matter.' The bureaucracy must be horrendous.

Feeling 1: Very tired, worked a 2200 til 0530 shift, slept for two hours and then did a Swedish exam from 9 until 1400. I think my answers made sense but I'm pretty sure that in the oral part I said 'when camping in the woods you have to watch out for urine'. Which is of course true, but I meant to say animals.
Feeling 2:Sad for the bloke who started work with me and got the chop. He was a nice lad, but seemed incapable of taking on board any kind of suggestion or instruction. Kind of awkward when he was asking me if my contract was being extended, which it is, when his wasn't.
Feeling 3: relief that I will be moving to the day shift next year. Hoorah. The recruitment agency asked me if I wanted to work between xmas and new year, yeah, right.

Random laugh: woman on the bus carrying an ironing board. Why is it funny? Dunno, just is.

Check it out: 12.12.06: The death of General Augusto Pinochet Cartoons Guardian Unlimited, very appro. steve bell cartoon.

And more bollocks...Reiki therapy,Reiki Master/Teacher, Certified Hypnotherapist Sound Essences-About Us..she sings to water, which is then bottled and sent out to customers to help them with their spiritual problems. Which is nice.

Sore, and tired - in the last week I think I personally moved tons of glass. Which is a lot. Thus, I'm going to bed. Goodnight.

Watched: Casshern, was it good, was it bad? - I'm not sure, though I did find the ending strangely emotional. As someone in the imdb forum pointed out, a bit like watching 'Nightwatch' - you think you're watching something good, you're just not quite sure.

* 7.5 hour shift, of which about 6.5 hours is actual work. Every 25 minutes I pick up approx 50 pieces of glass each weighing about 2.5kg. Thus in one shift I move approx. 650 kg of glass, in a week I move - therefore, a shit load.

It's hot - but climate research is being cut UK News The Observer: "News of the Met Office cuts come on the eve of a pre-budget report in which Gordon Brown will hike the price of a plane ticket by raising taxes on flying, portraying the move as environmentally friendly. However, a report published today by the think-tank Green Alliance argues that the average traveller is now paying less in air passenger duty, a tax built into the price of all tickets, than in 2001 and that it should double at least. Gas-guzzling cars are also likely to escape another car tax rise this week, although Brown is likely to reconsider this next year. There will be no above-inflation increases in petrol prices either."

....and the Stern report has been forgotten, how quickly?

If this was sunday, I'd have been at work for 36 minutes, and be going home in about 7 hours. In the words of Alec G in 'Bridge over the River Kwai'..."my god, what have I done?". Shift work started last night, I finished this morning at 5, came home slept, woke up, went for a few beers with mate, came home, realised my brain had been replaced with fluff. I don't go back to work until sunday night, but I'm staying up later tonight (and sleeping in tomorrow) to try and train myself to get used to this. Just to recap, heres my working times:

Sunday, start 2000, finish at 0500. Monday - Thursday, start 2200 - finish 0530.

Stay tuned for my slow, and almost certainly amusing, regression into some form of slug like creature.

Well, well, well. After the last 9 months of being a fat parasite sucking on the soft underbelly of the well trimmed doggy which is Sweden I've finally got the opportunity to work my way back into society. I've got work at a car windscreen factory which requires the key qualities of strength and shit loads of patience......the job description was something like 'they are planning to put robots on the production line but, until then, you're the robot'. What's even sweeter is that there's 3 shifts, one of which is the graveyard shift which I'll start in about two hours time, finishing at 0530 in the morning. But hey, they pay me, which is nice and hopefully they'll speak Swedish. Exactly what I wanted. What is it they say, 'careful of what you wish for...'.

Guardian Unlimited Comment is free The online ego monster: "There is something about the web that brings out the ego monster in everybody. When you write for the web, you open yourself up to breathtakingly vicious vitriol. People wish things on your mother, simply for bearing you, that you wouldn't wish on Hitler."...Interesting, short, article on self publishing and what not. I occasionally think about my blog and what it represents.....as I said when I started out it simply is a means for me to let my friends, if they are interested, know what I'm up to - it's also is a useful way for me to remind myself, and perhaps give its readers, some interesting links. But there's no major message, what I say here is pretty much what I'd say over a pint and the rare occasions that I descend into more 'vanity' writing are few and far between, thankfully. What is cool is that it does remind me of stuff which happened to me, which I'd otherwise have forgotten. I've thought about putting a visitor counter on it but why bother? I'm not a professional writer and what happens in to me in Sweden is hardly exciting enough to be of interest to people who do not know me. I can hardly be bothered to give the blog address to people I know, never mind make a conscious effort to work on it. So, erm. yeah. and my point was what, exactly? fuck, forgotten.

Oh yeah . . .first job interview conducted almost entirely in Swedish today (the only english expressions were 'shit', 'pain in the ass' and 'honest' which, out of context, make it sound a little disturbing). Don't be too impressed however, the nature of the job was such that there were not the kind of questions I've dealt with in other interviews such as 'what do you see are the main opportunities in the global market for our organisation' but rather were of the level 'how strong are you?' and 'can you do shift work?'. So lets see what happens - regardless of the result it was fantastic for my self confidence. It must be noted, however, that the interviewer spoke very clear Swedish and not the mad skånska dialect we have in these parts - a mixture of Danish and Swedish (Danish, to me, sounds like Swedish spoken by deaf people). Pays not mad either.

Purchase: 2-5 of Hellblazer 'Hard Time', mint condition. excellent.
Annoying: Library still thinks I have books out which I gave back (now theres an example of trivial bollocks your life is no better with!).
Watching: HBO miniseries 'Earth to the Moon', marvellous.

Revealed: rise of creationism in UK schools News crumb EducationGuardian.co.uk: "'Just because it takes a negative look at Darwinism doesn't mean it is not science. I think to critique Darwinism is quite appropriate.'"........arrggh. arrggghhhhh! And this quote is from a fucking science teacher....what kind of a moron gets to teach science and yet cannot understand how science works i.e peer reviewed evidence and why creationism doesn't work. Critique - fine, absolutely fine but based on an arguement of 'heres some real testable evidence' rather than things are really complicated, yeah? And we don't understand everything, so, erm, there must be a god, okay? (and if you don't like it we'll fatwah your ass). Imagine leaving your kids in the company of these kind of imaginatively challenged gullible wankers. Whats next? "okay kids, its field trip time, lets go and look for the ark". Bill, come back, the world needs you.

On a lighter note, you can no longer buy 'Horny Goat Weed Capsules': the recently maligned MHRA gets something right. See The Awful Poo Lady.

So today is mostly working, applications and proofreading as K has bailed me out for the day and left town with the infants (E has recently developed a new, exciting, habit of getting up at 0400 in the morning (the time when people are traditionally asleep, close to death or, in fact, dead) which makes even the most liberal tolerant parent think of tranquillisers (for him, not me)) which means I can really get my head down. Hopefully the weather will clear up so I can spend my 'lunch' hurting myself on my bicycle.

Reading: Hellblazer, Ex Machina (fucking brilliant) and Fables - all comic books for the uninitiated.
Listening: Ramstein, which is unfortunate as it makes me a little too excited.
Watching: Spirited Away (finally) and 'From the Earth to the Moon', 12 hours of drama documentary of the apollo missions, bliss.

Revealed: rise of creationism in UK schools News crumb EducationGuardian.co.uk: "'Just because it takes a negative look at Darwinism doesn't mean it is not science. I think to critique Darwinism is quite appropriate.'"........arrggh. arrggghhhhh! And this quote is from a fucking science teacher....what kind of a moron gets to teach science and yet cannot understand how science works i.e peer reviewed evidence and why creationism doesn't work. Critique - fine, absolutely fine but based on an arguement of 'heres some real testable evidence' rather than things are really complicated, yeah? And we don't understand everything, so, erm, there must be a god, okay? (and if you don't like it we'll fatwah your ass). Imagine leaving your kids in the company of these kind of imaginatively challenged gullible wankers. Whats next? "okay kids, its field trip time, lets go and look for the ark". Bill, come back, the world needs you.

On a lighter note, you can no longer buy 'Horny Goat Weed Capsules': the recently maligned MHRA gets something right. See The Awful Poo Lady.

So today is mostly working, applications and proofreading as K has bailed me out for the day and left town with the infants (E has recently developed a new, exciting, habit of getting up at 0400 in the morning (the time when people are traditionally asleep, close to death or, in fact, dead) which makes even the most liberal tolerant parent think of tranquillisers (for him, not me)) which means I can really get my head down. Hopefully the weather will clear up so I can spend my 'lunch' hurting myself on my bicycle.

Reading: Hellblazer, Ex Machina (fucking brilliant) and Fables - all comic books for the uninitiated.
Listening: Ramstein, which is unfortunate as it makes me a little too excited.
Watching: Spirited Away (finally) and 'From the Earth to the Moon', 12 hours of drama documentary of the apollo missions, bliss.

Currently battling with a bastard of an application form so thought I'd take two minutes out to list whats going on in my life Swedish wise, as I noticed that theres been very little reporting of that in the last few entries (this is also inspired by looking back at the last few years (holy shit! how did that happen, where the fuck did they go!) and it being kind of cool to be reminded about stuff I'd otherwise forgotten).

Thus (and no particular order):

New swedish class (lots of polish people (complaining about Swedish racism), the girl who came back from the summer with new teeth and better skin and suddenly looks beautiful (and acts much happier and more confident too, very cool), Liberian chap whose hero is Sidney Poiter and my teacher suggesting swedish horror novels to me (which is actually rather good, though i have to read it about 1 page every 5 minutes (this is not because its scary, but rather that its in my second language)).

Becoming more confident with talking Swedish to people - though sick of people telling me I speak good Swedish when it takes me about five minutes to ask directions to the local bordello.

Being able, almost, to front and back wheel pivot up a set of stairs on my bike. All those hours in the wood at Båstad, and the times spent lying on my back seeing stars, seem to be paying off.

Changing the cars tyres to the metal studded winter ones (most amusing, wasted my shoulders as I only had the tiny little tyre iron which comes with the car).

Got past the tough stage with the three headed dogs in 'God of War'.

Finally watched Star Wars III, the revenge of the shit.

Cooked a tasteless curry, some utterly meaningless pumpkin pies and then redeemed myself with a kick ass curry.

More will return I'm sure but now I feel the sudden urge to return to my application. Bon voyage!