Over the last two days the weather has improved massively. Bright blue skies reflected off the perfectly still waters of the canals which cross the city centre. Many of the buildings of Malmö are red brick with green leaded roofs (turrets abound) and they look really beautiful in the sun.
Last night me and K made the most of the evening and wandered down to the harbour, I keep forgetting that this is a coastal city. The docks here are massive and industralised but not in a totally unpleasant way - its all pretty compact. Last weekend we were at the summerhouse, it pissed down on the saturday but was good on the sunday, I managed a short run in the woods before beasting myself at the woodland 'rocky gym' which is helpfully situated in a clearing. Its way cool, pull up bars and pivoting telegraph poles to life, perfect.
The language course is totally knackering, when they say intensive they really mean it! After the lesson theres usually about at least 2-3 hours of homework to do. I can sort of get by already, as long as no one talks at warp speed or asks me whether I felt discombobulated the last time my flange was inhibited (it could happen). I've had no serious tests of my language skills yet though I did manage to buy some stamps and a kebab recently. Me and K do chat in Swedish but at a fairly basic level. The grammar is the main thing at the minute, theres four types of endings which verbs can have and then various pronoun combinations as well, its not too bad though. French or Spainish is far more complicated for example.

Strange noise: parrrrrppppppoooooooooopeep
Weather:+16 and blue skies
Website: They are watching you, really.
PARANOIA - THE CONSPIRACY READER

Forgot to mention - clocks of changed, how cool is that. We lost an hour but gained a summer, seems like a fair trade to me!!

Music:Faith No more

Weather: +16, the suns shining and its bloody lovely. Metre high cloud hung over the fields this morning, very nice.

Recent Reads (by popular demand):
Even Cowgirls Get the Blues by Tom Robbins (don't let the apparently terrible film stop you reading this - its weird, funny and very very good)
The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K Guin. For those of you who remember the Wizard of Earthsea Series, this is as well written,-thoughtful science fiction. Its all good.
Altered Carbon/Broken Angels by Richard Morgan - dam good hard science fiction, full of believable technology, lots of big guns, fights, sex and the best anti hero we've had since Angus Thermopylae
Brick Lane by Monica Ali. Fantastic story about a Bangladeshi girl coming to London for an arranged marriage. Its funny, uplifting and sad - pretty much all at the same time.
Pattern Recognition by William Gibson. dare i say it, almost as good as neuromancer. Actually set in present day, or near enough, very good things to say about product branding.
The Wind-up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami.....bizzarre Japanese surreal head fuck. Sort of like, in a different way, Eraser head without the chickens or mutant foetus.
....and yes, I do read fast.

Personally recommended to me, and I recommend it to.......
TAKAGISM

Trousers.....darkly dangerous and flickering with incandescent gloom, they flitt over dark valleys and sculk in the gathering gloaming.

Weather: wet, +5 and almost springlike feeling in the air.

Just what the kids need for Christmas.....
Full Suits of Armour

I now have a goal with my Swedish in the shape of the TISUS exam. I've already forgotten what the acronym means but basically its the exam to take for proving proficiency in Swedish as a dirty immigrant. My tutor reckons about 8 months work to get it, though thats pretty intensive - whether I have the luxury of doing that I don't know but the exams are fairly frequent so I can stretch the learning time if I have to. Why bother? Well, it gives me something really concrete to aim for with my lanquage learning and means that I have proof of Swedish to slap on my CV - which is a very good thing. The course at present is very intensive and almost over - one more week and its finished, then on to Swedish 2! Having the TISUS pass means that I can also, should I wish to, enter the Swedish academic system.

The weekend is looking good, off to the summerhouse. The weathers looking okay though cold, maybe maybe maybe even get out on some real rock rather than the tendon stretching underwhelming world of indoor plastic.

Once again, trevlig helg och vi ses!

For those of you who need to know........
SG1Web: NNG - Reference - Addresses (Designations)

People seem to be spitting a lot these days, I noticed this in the UK and now in Sweden too. Is this a youth thing or is there genuinely an increase in the amount of excess saliva which people have?

Weather: Its overcast and cold, +5....

weak in the sentence construction am I.......I personally recommend the fan film sites.
TheForce.net | Your Daily Dose of Star Wars

Class war almost broke out today in Swedish 1. The young turk took umbrage that one of the Germans answered a question quicker and more correctly then he did, not impressed. He did that pretend spit thing on the floor - which is wierdly offensive, how strange - then clearly thought for a few seconds about throwing the nearest object to hand at her. As this was, in descending order of severity, the teacher, the tapeplayer, a book and a pen he thankfully chose not to.
Emotions run high in Swedish, I can tell you.

The Swedish course hit a bit of a low for me today as we listened to a conversation at normal speed. More like warp speed, the odd word jumped out of a background of hoots, gibbering and honkings - learning a new language is in part one of the most frustrating and stimulating thing I've done in years.

Yoga was interesting the other night. For the last few weeks we've been doing a postion where we hold our left/right foot up - whilst standing - with the corresponding hand reached around your back. Difficult to visualise I know. Well this is easy I thought, ha! The full move is then, whilst holding your foot, to bend down and touch the floor with your other hand. I think surgery will be required to enable me to complete this. It will certainly be required if I do.

Weather: wet, salty and cold +5
Website: more on the shuffling undead theme......
Film Threat - Reviews

and lo, the heavens opened and with furious something or other a deluge washed over the Swedish soil. Its finally rained, after almost two months here and no rain at all (though some snow) it rained like a bugger all over the weekend, as predicted on Friday. I was further north this weekend, and had a look at some very wet and dripping boulders - no opportunity to climb.
Saw a lot of Swedish countryside though, very nice, lots of forests and lakes. Sadly I still have not seen any elk.

I have a huge amount of homework to do. hunden åt min läxa (the dog ate my homework) will probably not work as an excuse.

Weather: +7 and overcast
Website: Time to hide behind the sofa again....
Dalek Empire

Fredag once again.

Actually I have to interrupt, just listening to what I believe is Sarah Cox on the radio - load of pants.

The day went well today, kept my head above water in class and learnt some infinitive, imperative, present, imperfect and supine tenses - very nice they were to. I can now study, clean, listen and talk in a variety of different modes.

So. The adventure yesterday was going to the doctors to try and get my blocked and rather useless, though quite pretty, ear sorted out. Its been hurting off and on for a few weeks now but the real pain in the ass is not being able to hear properly - now I've always been a bit of a cloth ears but since I had a cold a few weeks ago this has gone beyond a joke. So I wandered in to see Dr Ivanov and asked is it okay to speak English? Fully expected the answer to be yes but instead was surprised by a firm no. Thus I had to mime and use my rudimantary Swedish to explain the problem. After much sweating and grunting a translator was found who calmly explained that there didn't seem to be anything wrong with my eye and what exactly was the problem? Oh how we laughed. The real punch line is that although the infection which lurks in my ear should be dealt with my prescribed drugs (pencillin - yugh) I may well be partially deaf in that ear for a few more months - bugger.

trevlig helg - once again!!

Weather: Rained like a bastard last night 10+ and overcast - just when I've got the means to actually go climbing on real rock this weekend it looks like the weather will be crappy as a turd lorry in crap town on the yearly shit fesitval when everyone has the shits.
Music:Actually sursprised myself by clicking radio 1 - down with the kids.....
Website:Now this is my kind of website..........I recommend the article on nuclear wepons - the photograph of the Atomic Cannon is rather scary
HowStuffWorks - Learn how Everything Works!

Afternoon (eftermiddagen). The sky is blue, the sun is shining and birds mutter in the trees. As spring approaches a young mans thoughts turn to what the heck he's actually going to do for gainful employment in this land of blue eyed warriors. Its been far too long without work so I'm entering a new phase of work hunting, inventive approaches will include begging, threatening, wailing and gnashing of teeth. Bar work, manual work - anything really before the career job (whatever the hell that is) comes along. It will be good for networking and, perhaps more importantly, practicing my Swedish.

So I'm sporting a cut and a large lump above my left eye. Whilst walking home from the shops yesterday my attention was caught by a motorbike burbling by. Unfortunately my attention was not caught by the lamppost directly in my path, though my forehead, cheek and mouth was. Now those of you who know me will be aware that I walk pretty fast and this, combined with a large immobile steel object, was sufficient to cause a loud 'clang' noise and stop me dead in my tracks. I stumbled around the pavement for a short while and then regained my composure, stiffened my now bruised upper lip and staggered home to tend myself with ice packs. Classic slapstick you might say, fucking painful I would suggest.

The language course continues to be enthralling, I'm totally enjoying it and there has been no major frustrations yet. Pronounciation is slowly getting better and my lexicon grows daily. If you want me to point objects out in the house, then I'm your man.

Weather: +16, sunny and blue skies - unconfirmed reports of people wearing T-Shirts.
Music: None, bloody realplayer not playing really.
Website: From the occasional series of zombie related websites....
Brains4Zombies.com -- Your online home for Brains and Brain-Related Products

Well hello.
Awesome weekend at K's parents place in Växjö (prize to first correct pronounciation). Went for a run in the woods on Saturday behind her parents place, really good thrashing through the trees and slithering over the snow. I had just regained a small forest trail when suddenly in front of me I saw what I at first thought was a massive field covered in snow. I realised that it was in fact a lake, totally frozen with a covering of snow. Quite incredible. Being the rather reckless (probably stupid) person that I am I wandered someway out onto it. When I brushed the snow aside (it was about 30cms deep) there was a perfect layer of thick inky black ice. Quite amazing but I decided it would be a little foolhardy to run to the other side so went back to the woods to play.
The rest of the weekend was good, social stuff and practicing practicing practicing Swedish. I'm starting to dream the stuff (aside from the usual nightly visions of space zombies and Amazonian warrior princesses).

Weather: +13 - its sunny, the skies are blue and its even, dare I say it, warm!
Music: None, not even the radio.
Website: This will only really be appreciated by those who like the pleasures of climbing short pieces of vertical rock
VertVideo - The Source for Online Climbing Videos

Fredag, the first one of my first complete non-calandar month in Sweden - feels kind of groovy.

In the language class today the teacher asked the Spainish student about the bombings in Madrid, she stood up and showed that she was wearing a t-shirt with 'No - Eta' written across it, with a further statement calling them murderers - it was a very powerful moment.

Travlig Helg! - as we say here.

Weather:3 and sunny
Music. Music is, like, so yesterday.
Website: Evidence that the evolutionary step of jumping down from the trees was all worthwhile....
Guinness World Records

One of the things about Sweden is the difference in housing, a lot of the larger towns and cities have mostly apartment blocks and flats rather than the terraced housing we know and love in Blighty. Fascinating eh.

And on with the lanquage course. Today, for the first time, we used the lanquage lab - those of you who have Eddie Izzards sketch about these strange teaching tools will know why I started chortling - very bizarre, we all sat in our little cublicles with headphones and microphones on dutifully repeating the alphabet and key phrases (such as ' my troupe of performing monkey are infected with ebola' and 'what is that large growth on your face?'), all good stuff. As the lesson is conducted almost entirely in Swedish we lost half the class when we changed rooms as they had not understood the directions - the teacher is a bit of a time fascist so it was tough and on we go. It is still good fun and, yet again, lots of homework tonight.

Weather: +6 (!) and overcast
Website: Funny for a few seconds.......
Poke the Penguin

My dear friends - let me apologise for not having updated the site earlier. As I said right at the start don't expect too much but I never intended to leave the site abandoned for so long - four days without a post, too much and my excuses are rather paltry. Yes, all those times I was scratching my arse or just standing, staring (as you do) I could have been blogging away but alas I just continued staring......and scratching. So here you are, a resume of the last few days and an untrustworthy guarentee that the site will not remain dorment for this long again (holidays, nuclear pulses and acute malaise accepted).

Trelleborg (pronounced Trey-layy-bor-ree, which incidently means we've been pronouncing Bjorn Borgs name wrong for years, as well as the bad guys in Star Trek. 'Oh no, its the Bor-ree' does not sound so alarming though) was visited on Friday. Quiet little ferry port town with not a great deal happening. They have a park there which is full, almost infested with chickens, ducks, fowl and other avian like beasts - pleasant. The countryside around Trelleborg was cool, lots of very low hills interspersed with trees and wooden houses. None of the fields have hedges so you get amazing views for miles. Further evidence for the Swedes are Hobbits theory as it does all look rather like the shire (I imagine).

The weekend was good, K was working on Saturday so I took myself off to the climbing wall. Met some very friendly folks which was cool, once again beasted by muscle bound maniacs. Sunday involved a long breakfast buffet at a local cafe, 'all you can eat', surely the best four words in christiendom. Incidently saw 'Lost in Translation', 7.5 out of 10 - Bill Murrey is a demi-god almost reaching the powers of John Cusack.

But the big news is that I have started my language course - began on Monday, every morning for a month - Swedish as a foreign language. 15 budding swedish speakers on the course, countries represented include Australia, Italy, Romania, Spain, Thailand, Turkey, Germany, Iceland and Argentina. Its very full on, allmost all the course is taught in Swedish which makes for two and half hours of very intense concentration. Homework every night as well, though can already feel the benefit. Theres another Brit on the course which is cool, ex-pats unite and all that.

Music:Nothing I'm afraid but perhaps some Radio 4 - ah yes, voice of the free world.
Weather: Chilly over the last few days with a damper front moving in today. Blue skies were rapidly replaced by the omnipresent grey murkness which tends to replace the sky.
Website: Ever wondered where all those scary doorways you see around town actually go?
The catalogue of UK Entrances to Hell

Morning my lovelies - a splendid day today, bright blue sky and a nice sharp not quite sub-zero temperature. Noticed something strange this morning on my yoghurt carton. As with the milk and other varieties of lactic products we have gaily coloured litre cartons with photographs of healthy looking people on them. However, one of the two kids on my yoghurt looks like a total psycho, no nice smile like the other kid on the carton but a 'I'm gonna bathe in your blood and wear your intestines as a tie' sort of look. Quite gave me a turn I can tell you. So I phoned up the company and complained, and they have agreed to pay me damages. Which was nice.

I'm off to Trelleborg this afternoon, which is not some strange startrek bad guy but the nearby town in which K works at the minute. Its by the sea so should be very pleasant if the weather stays as it is. I will file a full report later.

Watched possibly one of the worst climbing films I've ever seen last night. Vertical Limit, oh my god! Words almost fail me. The biggest pile of steaming pants it has ever been my misfortune to witness. An unexplained plot which resulted in a bunch of idiots carrying high explosive up one of the worlds hardest mountains. poor old K2, the second film made about it and still a load of bollocks.


Weather: Exactly zero with a bright blue sky
Music:Radio 4
Website: Made me chuckle......
Accept Jesus Christ and Get a Free Playstation 2

Its dark outside, theres a strange buzzing in my head and I suspect that i've been indoors too long today.
But anyway, I am now signed up on the free lanquage course which starts, helpfully in a few months time. The less than free course will be a good starting block though, which starts next week.

Enough of timetables and dates, what is going on? Thats what I want to know.

Website: Jam for brains, pig in my trousers.......
E D D i E i Z Z A R D . C O M

Well hello again.........so the excitement this morning is getting my personal number through the post, or to be more exact the all important last four digits, which means I am now officially in Sweden. Harder to escape and now under the full scrutiny of the Swedish Big Brother. The number is pretty much essential for Swedish life, you need it to access the health care system and its usually involved in most financial transactions. Theres talk of a personal number party for me, which is nice. This, sadly, will not be organised by the state.

Weather: +5 and sunny
Nostalgia Website: I can keep a beady eye on the weather down in old blighty
BBC - Devon Webcams - Live views across Plymouth Sound and The Hoe

Tisdag. Three weeks now . . .does it seem like a long time, a short time or no time at all,who knows. As I write this I reel in delirium from a high fever, my throat is all but closed and my body is riddled with buboes - well, a slight liberty as I have slight cold but I'm really just after sympathy.
Fantastic weekend of feasting and trips. Spent the sunday in the countryside, very good and actually saw some small hills. Went to see Cold Mountain, highly recommended, most excellent - no spoilers here.

More extreme yoga last night, I think I've got a few cms tallers since I started it.
Managed to break into the climbing wall over the weekend, even though it was all but closed for instructor examinations. By being stopped by one of the few Swedes whose English was not inch perfect meant that I just wandered in after he gave up miming that it was not possible to climb.

Terrible terrible Chinese meal on friday. A warm slop of monkey placenta and mushroom slime. I have yet to find good Chinese and Indian restaurants in this city - takeaways by post gratefully received. Speaking of language I will be starting a course next week for just about a month, two hours or so every morning - this one will cost me but I will also be interviewed for the state course, which is free, tommorow.

Weather: +3, blue skies
Music:Radio 4
Website: I found 'outer-space' and 'Bespin' most amusing......
Star Wars Spoofs