More of the same friday....spent some of this morning in the job centre, sorting out my benefit situation - benefit tourist that I am - with my change to a Swedish residence. Simple answer, no change, which is all good. Wierdest thing in the job centre, every few minutes a guy in an electric wheel chair would buzz past the office I was in. Very odd, he seemed to be going round in circles in the job centre, I'd be sitting with my case manager and keep hearing the whine of electric motors and he'd zoom past. Maybe he was lost or trapped. Possibly been there for years, living off the foam stuffing in the chairs.
After all that excitement I wandered into the nearest coffee bar and had my current favourite of chai tea and a nice big moist muffin. All ordered in Swedish as well. If my only mission was to put on weight then my lexicon is complete.
Really good weather today so wandered around town a bit as I bought my Guardian Weekly (28 kronor, bloody cheek!). Malmö was looking particularly fine.

I narrowly avoided downloading a Sinclair Spectrum 48K emulator off the net, I do not want to spend my current free time playing almost 20 year old games......mind you, playing a flash version of Jet Set Willy brought some memories back.

Weather: +3, sunny
Music: Red Hot Chilli Peppers
?
Website: Part of the 'wiki' foundation, whose background I have not followed up yet-this site is huge and and full of useful, interesting and totallyirrelevantt information.
Main Page - Wikipedia

Website: This is extremely geeky but I learnt about this from the William Gibson book I just finished (Pattern Recognition - as good as neuromancer). The Curta was a hand operated calculator which invented in the 1940s by a chap imprisoned in Buchenwald. It was made extinct by the first electronic calculators. I think it looks rather like a maths grenade.
The CURTA Calculator Page

Good morning. And it seems once again that the powers of democracy are given a right good shafting. I was listening with half an ear to the radio this morning when I suddenly heard Clare Short explaining that conversations between her and Kofi Annan were bugged by UK spies. Crikey I thought, there goes the PM then I remembered, recent events have shown that he's untouchable - him and George could have been beating up dissenting UN council members in the toilets and it would not make any difference to his rule of the UK. Ah well, maybe I'm not in a position to comment on this anymore although I still have voting rights for a few more years. Still it goads my goat, or something like that.
I really should not get upset about these things.

It has been snowing like mad here but as the days gone on the temperature has risen and most of it as melted. Even with snow and ice on the ground there's still plenty of people hammering around on bicycles - braver than me as I skid and slide down the pavements on my specially patented Berghaus ultra-slip teflon coated shoes.

Weather:+3, snowing
Animals: None of any great interest, this less than than thrilling feature may shortly be retired.
Music: none
Website: Now on the loony tunes scale this is scoring quite highly, EVP or 'electronic voice phenomena' is the name given to mysterious voices which are captured on tape or video and which are believed to come 'from the other side'. Yeah, right.
AA-EVP

I'm sorry, I just had to throw this one in as well.....fantastic. Check out the links to the Turkish Wizard of Oz and the Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter - if this stuff did not exist then the world would surely be a more boring place.
Film Threat - Reviews

Today I renounced my UK residency and became, or rather was permited, to live in Sweden. I now have the rights, and the obligations (!) of a Swedish citizen. We were expecting a grilling from the migration office but it all went swimmingly. The only slight fly in the ointment was being given a year permit in a passport which has less than a year left before it expires! Fortunately the nice lady decided that she had not noticed that and on my way I went. I get my personal number, which you basically can't exist in Sweden without, in a few weeks. Another question answered as well, I will get my new passport from the British consulate in Stockholm rather than from dear old blighty.
No news on the job front today, but some concerted efforts to come.

Weather: +2, its dark
Last animal seen: A little dog with a very long tail
Music: Morcheeba
Website: Please someone, find me the poster for this movie!!
Film Threat - Reviews

I thought that I was the only person who spent time thinking about stuff like this........


How to properly assemble a combat insertion team@Everything2.com

Tisdag. I feel like I've been beaten with an iron bar (maybe a small one). Went to my first Yoga class last night. Bloody hell, forget my misconceptions of gentle breathing and the soft rustle of fabric. This was like ultimate rules yoga, joints straining, muscles being pushed into previously unexperienced positions, years old air venting from my body. Wierdly it now feels like the next day after a full on climbing session, my hands, shoulders and feet ache - interesting. The instructor was this stick thin lady, very very bendy - as you might expect. I was the only bloke in a class of about 20 women, there was one other bloke but he seemed to disappear or transmogify into a woman half way through. They were all mostly tiny as well so I felt like a massive lumbering giant as I sweated and grunted my way through the 'warrior' position and the 'almost certainly put you in traction, oh my god the pain' position.
More cafe culture yesterday, went for a cup of Chai tea (bloody lovely it is, like a liquid cake) with F, a chum of K's. This seems like the most time I've spent in years being a gentlemen of leisure, very nice it is to.

weather: +1, cloudy
Last animal seen: Dogs, running.
Music: Massive Attack
Website: This is quite a remarkable site, at first glance it seems rather dull but it actually becomes rather addictive......
Welcome to Everything@Everything2.com

Hello there. The monday, a monday and some mondays - grammar is so much fun isn't it?
Attended a rather splendid interview this morning at a local school, result of which means I've got some supply teaching work (although it does not start yet), this means I hit my target of finding work in two weeks. Gold star, head of class, onwards and upwards. The big gun jobs are still in a state of limbo but I should get some feedback over the next week.
The weekend was really good, spent Sunday out by the coast on a nature reserve - very very bracing. Still have not seen any hills.
I did however see the pig again, slowly trotting along behind its master in the local park - perhaps not quite as big as I thought, but you would not want to wrestle naked with it.




Weather: 0 and overcast
Last animal: Ducks, lots of them (Flying, sitting and plotting)
Music: Radio 4
Website: Not to every ones taste I'm sure, but is this yet another case of a remake (revisioning, reimagining etc) being made where none really is neccessary? Cast your mind back to Planet of the Apes...need I say more. Mind you, is does have Ving Rhames in it.
Dawn of the Dead

Soooooo, anyway. Friday morning. A beautiful day, sun shining brightly and a crisp temperature. My arms are absolutely shagged! Spent the evening at the climbing wall and, once again, was totally beasted by the Swedish climbing hard men - good run to the wall and back as well, starting to lose my winter plummage.

Rather disturbing news that the house sparrow is disappearing from the UK - very worrying. Apparently garden make over shows, and the growth of decking, is partly responsible. I knew Titmarsh was the great Satan.

I live, so those of you who have not seen it can picture it, on the top floor of a 4 storey appartment block. Its an old red brick building built in a square shape with a grassy area in the middle. The sun shines into the kitchen in the mornings and if you wander around naked in the front room the kids from the school opposite get somewhat of a shock - as I have discovered.

Weather: 0, sunny and blue skies
Last animal: cats, again.
Music: Radio 4, received English and Ann Widdecombe, bliss
Interesting web site:
BBC NEWS | UK | Wood floors spark trouser mishaps
I particular like the trouser related mishaps but also the warning of the inherent dangers of wooden floors, a constant risk to me now I live in a largely carpetless country.

Evening for me here, a whole hour further on than the UK - where did that hour go? Probably in the same place as all those pen tops, socks and dreams. There's most likely a big drawer somewhere overflowing with an excess of time. I digress.
Good day. Spent most of the day crafting my application for a rather interesting marketing job. I had lunch in a little place just the road from here with one of K's chums. Too many cafe's in this town! A man could get fat(ter)! Also had a trip to the residence office, because I have not got work Me and K have to prove that our relationship is the real thing and not just a ploy to get me access to the shire.
K's at one of her book clubs tonight so I'm in on my lonesome, contemplating doing some stretching and then some Swedish comprehension. Their book this time around was SCUM manifesto, the SCUM standing for Society of Cutting UP Men - it was written by the woman who gained fame by shooting Andy Warhol. Read it, its interesting. Very utopian.
We're looking after the neighbours cats for the week. Mucked them out this evening, fucking horrible stench. I thought I was going vomit over the litter tray. I then had to deal with that feeling where you're convinced the smell is following you around. Mind you, I did actually realise that I'd stuffed my underpants full of cat shit, never mind. Maybe it'll make the pubic lice go blind.

Righty I must leave now before I say even worse things. Incidently, a recent question answered. Buffy the Vampire Slayer in Swedish is 'Nip nip titty'.

toot toot




Weather: +3, dark and salty
Last animal: More cats.....
Music:Eminem - Stan
Website: another one, you lucky people. www.alienscalpel.com Now this is either a very carefully crafted satire or its real! Which is a very scary thought. I suspect it is real as if it were a spoof you'd expect more references to anal probes? Well, in my world anyway.

The website link should have been:

www.channel4.com/entertainment/games/microsites/A/antcity/antcity400x400.swf

Wednesday. It smells good, like a freshly washed belly button. Yesterday was a day of stuff, tried to break into the residence office to get my permit but was not successful, perimeter security was too high. Got to get an application sorted and have breakfast so I will post more later.

Spent lunch time in Lund yesterday, a large university town. Damn good pizza.

Weather: +2, Sunny
Music: Tenacious D
Last animal seen: A cat, eating.
Amusing website:

Well hello. Monday. Today was cold calling fun which was not particularly successful, people either grumpy or, this is really good, me totally fluffing selling myself. What is particularly ironic about the whole deal is that it was for a telesales job, how sweet is that! My visit to the job centre was more successful though, now registered in the system which is nice.
One thing about Malmö which I've noticed is the high number of specialist gaming shops which are scattered around - I've seen at least five which for a city with the same pop. as Plymouth is remarkable. My only dilemma now is which shop to use when buying my comics, action figures and trading cards. For some a strange reason I'm particularly keen on finding a leatherface action figure.
One of the things I'd noticed about moving to a new place is the different smells,the city has a different aroma to that I'm usually used to and it's surprisingly odd.
I'm off to my first Yoga lesson tonight which will be painful given that I ache like a bastard from climbing.






Weather: +1, overcast
Music:Primus
Last animal seen:a pidgeon, strutting.
Website of the day:Food From Home

Well hello. Sunday morning, digesting my first breakfast of bread, cheese and ham. Soon to gird my loins (and what, really, does that actually mean?) for second breakfast of yoghurt and museli. A banana in between to break the silence.
I realise that I should propably be making witty comments on the Swedish life I witness, or the myriad humerous Scandanavian experiences I encounter - this, I am afraid, will not be happening for a while. I live here now, which still feels a bit wierd to say, and if I walk around taking the piss all the time then I will be the worst kind of ex-pat....gosh, Victor Mature.
Climbing wall yesterday, beasted yet again by very strong chaps - managed to hold my own (girded, one could say) for a few problems then flaked out and feebly slapped around. Its a very good wall, lots of bouldering caves and walls. It has a massive leading wall but when I asked the guys if they use it they said why bother, the nearest climbing crags are hours and hours away. Good point, Southern Sweden is very flat - in fact I've not actually seen a hill yet. Oh happy days toiling up North Hill in the blistering heat, feet aching and head swimming. I had a very pleasant coffee afterwards with K and some of the guys, very nice. Lovely.
So, its still Sunday - K's at work and I'm not going to do any work related activities today. I think I'll try and hunt down a copy of the Guardian - exciting.
Enough lolling, I have serious stretching and surfing to do. Choppity chop chop.

Weather: +1, patchy cloud.
Last animal seen: none, except for the invisible ones.
Music: Yesterdays Johnathan Ross show.
Website of some interest to some of you: http://www.lysator.liu.se/mit-guide/mit-guide.html Very very useful

Saturday. Day of Saturnus. Day of sitting. A day of chairs.
Its the morning (don't let the time at the bottom of the page confuse you, it's google time and thus extremely dilated) and cleaned and fresh I scrabble frantically at the keyboard.
Yesterday was good in the job searching department, another application went whizzing off as a document controller, kind of a gun for hire-working for various companies from a central agency. I had a good chat with the recruiting agent and she did not seem particularly offended by me, so who knows? Its only a six month contract but that could be quite fortuitous, non-demanding work while I work on my Svenska. I've got to phone the CEO of a company I would really like to work for today, quite excited about that - I will post the results as they happen.
Liberated Swedish Tv totally shocked me the other day - I was watching the end of some dum American comedy show called Larry or something. The premis was that Larrys Aunt had died and that he had written the obituary - but heres the gag, rather than Aunt they written cunt! Hilarity ensues at the wake. But they could not stop saying it, I thought the yanks were supposed to be prudes. It made Johnny Rotten seem rather tame for saying it once! These guys said cunt about 5 times (I was counting for my letter of complaint) in a few minutes during late afternoon Tv. Refreshing, I must say. I'm waiting for the next hilarious episode where he has to write an article about a dry dock.
Went out to my favourite Malmö restuarant last night, Koi - a Japanese place. Very yummy food - most excellent.
Further proof that this is a different land to the UK- the ice rink in the centre of one of Malmö's many squares was closed but it would be quite possible to get into it. No drunken youths staggering around it writing their initials in urine -amazing.


Weather: +2 and overcast
Last animal seen: none (bit of an anticlimax after the pig)
Music: none
website worth a grin:http://alec.at.tut.by/penguin.swf (for those of you who have not seen this - very amusing)

Well, sucessfully managed to delete what I just wrote so I'm forced to write it all again - as if I haven't got anything better to do, well - actually I probably haven't but that is by the by. It snowed briefly yesterday and on my way to meet Kristina off the bus I got a lovely tingly kind of feeling. I suspected that I'd soiled myself but on closer inspection I realised it was a nice comfortable feeling of happy happy joy joy. Surrounded by the good people of Malmö cycling home, the crispness of the air and that wierd kind of silence you get when snow is falling, things felt pretty good.
Which is just as well, as yesterday was a day of frustration as no one seemed to be answering the phone - annoyance. Good news just come in, whilst typing this up, is a sniff of some proof reading work - good be quite lucrative. Couple of other interesting jobs to chase, creative medical writer and a innovation coordinator at Lund University (just out of Malmö) - hopefully contact today.

I must zip off and do stuff now-its Friday the 13th, portents and alarums.....

Weather: +5 and overcast
Last animal seen: A large black pig, possibly a boar, being walked by a chap in the park this morning - honestly!! It had a little lead and everything but, alas, no saddle.
Music: none.
Website with chuckle factor: http://svt.se/hogafflahage A little bit of Swedish fun for you all, I particularly like the horses though you do need sound.

So here we are on day 2......all feels a bit strange I must admit. Yesterday was a fine, a brief struggle against Swedish bureaucracy which resulted in a no score draw (more later) and then more job searching....Kristina is working like crazy at the minute and was reporting on a local government meeting until late last night so I was left wandering around the flat making aimless hooting noises with my underpants on my head. The good news is that Buffy was on Tv so at least some things are familiar (all non Swedish Tv and movies are subtitled rather than dubbed which is great (unless you go and see Traffic, like I did, half of which is in Spainish.....)).

So, I need to register with the Swedish Job agencies (our equivalent of the Job centre, but with more soft furnishing) and thus off I go. My first stop, the international job agencie politely turns me away and redirects me to the national agency who inform me that I need to speak to the relavent union - don't think so! Rather than mime or draw pictures, as the receptionist did not speak much English, I went to another agency. No problems here, they know the score but the lady who deals with special cases like me is ill and will not be back until monday-I guess the call centres and bars are safe for another few days!! I've actually got one interview in a weeks time now for a school (teaching post maybe) and am trying to hunt others down......will keep you posted.

well, Ive got to try and sort some more stuff out so must bugger off now.

Weather: -5 and overcast
Last animal seen: a crow
music: none
website worth a grin: http://www.trevorvanmeter.com/flyguy/

So this is where it all starts - lets set some ground rules first. This is a total, unscripted ramble - theres no censoring, no rewriting. It comes out of my head and onto the page. The main idea of this is to capture the experiences of my move to a new country (Sweden, if you have not been paying attention) so that you, you lucky people, can share some of this with me. Look at it as some kind of one sided very breathless conversation, which you would have had with me had I not been in a slightly different timezone and in a different country.
I'm new to this whole blogging thing so I will doubtless commit all kinds of blogging crimes........

just to show how interactive this is - gotta go!